


Starved for Attention

by Arya_Skywalker



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Chains, Imprisonment, Janus does not like Patton, M/M, Malnourishment, Starvation, Touch-Starved, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27865649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arya_Skywalker/pseuds/Arya_Skywalker
Summary: “That’s a side of myself I’d rather not feed into.”Thomas’s mind is a strange place.Janus is starving in a cell, locked away from the others. Can they help him in time?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 7
Kudos: 60
Collections: TSS Fanworks Collective





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this thing months ago, before Janus even had a name. It’s based loosely on this gorgeous art (tw starvation)  
> https://altruistic-skittles.tumblr.com/post/615956989079617536/yeah-thats-a-side-of-myself-that-i-would-prefer  
> However it has grown dramatically, and will now likely be 3-4 parts. 
> 
> Thanks to the Joan Collective / TSS Content Creators Server for encouraging me and bouncing ideas around. Apply here to join https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/PWPFHM5
> 
> This is vaguely canonverse, after Virgil was accepted but before Deceit revealed himself to Thomas.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman, Virgil, and Logan find Janus and attempt to help in their own ways.

Janus leaned against the wall of his cell, watching the chains sway in the chill breeze, listening to the discordant music as they clanged against each other. He rubbed his arms, trying to ignore how skeletal they were. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a full meal, the last time he had been allowed outside the cell.

Footsteps approached.

Janus quickly adjusted his position, crossing one leg over the other, lounging without a care in the world. _Don’t show weakness. You are in control._ He forced a smile, watching the figure come into view. “Ah, Your Highnesss. How kind of you to come vissit.”

Roman stopped in front of the barred door, fiddling with his sword. “I.... you look awful.”

Janus laughed. “Do I? I haven’t had the luxury of a mirror,” he said dryly.

“Oh. I didn’t mean.... uh... do you want one?” Roman fumbled at his belt, then held out a pocket mirror, slipping it through the bars.

Janus watched as the mirror rolled over to him and landed face-down. It would be so easy to ignore it, to pretend he was still his handsome self. It would be easy to break the mirror and use the shards as a weapon.

But he did neither. Janus picked up the mirror, surprised by how heavy such a small item could be. He took a deep breath and smoothed his expression before daring to look at his reflection.

He was even more gaunt than he feared. His bones were disturbingly clear through his thin flesh. His cheeks were sunken. Dark bags under his eyes marked his lack of sleep. His scales had lost their shine.

He wished he hadn’t looked.

Janus closed the pocket mirror with a click and set it down. “Why are you here, my prince?” He asked, realizing Roman was still standing there.

“I... umm... figured you might want some company?”

Janus arched an eyebrow. “You mean _you_ want company that isn’t one of your goody-two-shoes friends up there.”

Roman scuffed the floor with his polished boots. “They don’t support me like they used to,” he muttered. “It just feels like... whenever I make progress something always sends us back to where we started!”

“Mmm.... they don’t listen to you,” Janus said. “Jussst as they refuse to listen to me and your dear brother.”

“Well... I.... that’s—“ Roman stammered.

Janus straightened, his snake eye gleaming. “It’s the same.”

“I’m... not sure if that’s....” Roman rubbed the back of his neck.

“Oh come now! You and I know I am not a monssster.” Janus tilted his head to the side. “Remind me again why I am locked away down here.”

“You know why.”

Janus clicked his tongue. “Humor me, my prince.”

Roman frowned. “Well.... you... you’re one of the Dark Sides.”

“A term you invented. Try again.”

“Uh.... because.... Thomas thinks that lying is wrong.”

“Mmm... getting closer. Now.... how did I end up stuck down here?” Janus inched closer to the bars. Roman blinked. Clearly that was too far of a jump. Janus sighed. “Thomas’s mind is.... unique, as I’m sure you know. I am in charge of hiding things that Thomas doesn’t want to know or they would hurt him if he did know. But who or what hides me?”

Roman’s brow furrowed. “You did this to yourself?”

Janus laughed harshly. “No, no. I am not nearly so self-sacrificing.” He coughed, taking a moment to get control over himself. “No. The mind palace itsself is doing this to me. Thomas’s sssubconsciouss if you prefer. Something deep within, sentient in a way, but not strong enough to be a side on its own.”

“Oh....”

Janus leaned forward. “Let me go. I can help you, my prince, but not from this cell.”

Roman opened and closed his mouth, looking much like a confused fish washed ashore. “I... You....”

“Come now. The others are no help to you. We both need allies,” Janus said. If he wasn’t so weak, he would have waltzed up to the barred door and grabbed Roman’s collar, pulling him close for a kiss between the bars. But he could barely summon the strength to stand, let alone drag himself across the cell.

Roman lowered his gaze, then suddenly brightened. “Oh right. I brought food!” He shoved a crumpled paper bag between the bars and dropped it.

Janus lunged for the food instinctively, somehow managing to catch it before it hit the disgusting floor. His body screamed in protest— but it was worth it. He opened the bag to find an apple, a mystery sandwich, a water bottle, and a cookie. His mouth watered. “Thank you, my prince,” he said sincerely before digging into the meal.

“I told Pat I was going on an adventure and he insisted on packing something,” Roman said sheepishly. “And I know you don’t get fed enough so.... yeah. You’re welcome. I’ll... uh... let you eat in peace. Farewell!”

He sunk out before Janus could protest. But it was better this way. Janus didn’t want anyone to see him gorge on the blessed meal. Sure, sides technically didn’t need to eat. But he could pretend the food helped. And for a little while, maybe he could believe it.

~*~

Janus awoke to the distinct impression of someone watching him. He frowned and stirred, glancing at the barred door to see Virgil crouched in the shadows. “Here to gloat?” he drawled.

“Not today, no.” Virgil moved closer to the bars. He looked.... worried? Ridiculous. “What the hell happened?”

Janus shrugged. “Thomas said himself of lying— ‘ _That’s a side of myself I would prefer not to feed into_ ’,” he said, mimicking Thomas’s voice. “For some reason, that was taken literally. So here I am, starving in the dark. Happy?”

“Fuck that.” Virgil pelted a granola bar at him. Then another. Then a bottled protein shake. “There. Eat up.”

Janus flinched and held his hands in front of his face, then blinked when he realized Virgil was throwing _food_ at him. “You... you’re helping me?”

“This doesn’t mean I like you,” Virgil said quickly. “But you need to be strong enough to do your job in case Thomas does need you for whatever reason. So... yeah.” He stuffed his hands in his hoodie pocket.

Janus picked up the granola bars and opened the shake, taking a few careful sips of the almost-too-sweet drink. “How long were you sitting there for?”

Virgil smiled sideways. “Do you really want to know?”

Janus glanced over and decided he didn’t. “What else do you want?”

Virgil shrugged. “I want you to swear on whatever means anything to you that you won’t hurt Thomas or any of the other Sides,” he said.

“I swear I won’t harm anyone intentionally,” Janus said, taking off a glove and holding his hand over his heart.

Virgil exhaled sharply and rubbed his face. “Why should I trust you? How do I know you aren’t just.... lying again?”

“Mmm. You can’t possibly know for sure,” Janus said, fixing his gloves. “But you know as well as I do that repression will only hurt Thomas in the end.”

Virgil was silent for a while, then shook himself and stood. “Just... be careful, alright? I’ll check in to make sure you don’t die or get sick or whatever.” He gestured vaguely as he sunk out.

Janus was alone again. He pulled his knees to his chest and closed his eyes.

~*~

Logan was the next visitor. “Deceit? I have been informed of your condition and thought it may be a good idea to investigate myself.”

Janus lifted his head to look over, then narrowed his eyes upon seeing the first aid kit. “You are not a doctor.”

“Perhaps not. But I have researched medicine extensively.” 

Janus bared his fangs. “Don’t even think about coming at me with needles.”

Logan sighed. “I simply wish to monitor your condition to ensure you are not in severe danger.”

“Logic, I am starving. But we are imaginary. You know wounds and illnesses don’t have lasting effects. Besides, you are out there, and I am in here. How do you plan on getting inside the cell, hmm?”

“I have also researched how to pick a lock.” With that, Logan stepped forward and stuck something into the lock, fiddling with it until it popped open.

Janus froze, staring at him. The door was unlocked. The cell was open. He could.... he could....

Logan sat beside him on the cold floor. “Allow me to take your vitals.”

“Wait. Don’t touch me. Pleasse.” Janus recoiled, hating himself for it.

Logan blinked and adjusted his glasses. “Oh. My apologies. You must be touch starved. Unfortunately I am not very experienced with that sort of things. Patton is much—“

“No. I do not want to sssee Patton,” Janus hissed. Morality might not be directly responsible for his imprisonment, but if Thomas didn’t think lying was so bad, he wouldn’t be in this situation. Patton was part of the reason he was stuck down here.

Logan hesitated. “Perhaps Virgil?”

Janus rested his head on his knees. “Fine,” he mumbled.

Janus heard him leave— and lock the door. Of course they didn’t trust him enough to leave the cell open. Why would they? He was Deceit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting the road to recovery. Virgil, Roman, and Logan attempt to help Janus in their own ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s a bit fluffier than the last chapter. Aiming for 3-4 chapters total. 
> 
> TWs for this chapter: starvation, touch starvation, malnutrition, imprisonment, bathing (implied nudity, no details)

Janus stirred and rubbed his eyes groggily. It was difficult to tell time down here, but something told him it was roughly morning.

“Hey, Fangs.” Virgil was in the cell with him, curled up a few feet away with pillows and blankets. “Lo said you’re touch starved?”

Janus stiffened slightly. “When did you get here?”

“While you were asleep, obviously. Logan let me in,” Virgil said with a half smile. “You look cold. Can I at least give you a blanket?”

Janus nodded slowly. “Yesss.... pleassse.”

Virgil edged closer and gently draped the blanket over his shoulders. “We move at your pace. It’s alright.”

Janus huddled under the blanket, nuzzling the soft fabric. God it felt good. He looked back over at the anxious side. “Sssit next to me?” he asked, hating how small his voice sounded.

Virgil nodded and did so, leaving a few inches between them. “You can... uh... lean against me if you want,” he said.

 _Warm warm WARM!_ Janus waited a few minutes to get used to the idea that another person was so close, then hesitantly rested his head on Virgil’s shoulder. “Mm. You’re warm,” he mumbled into the hoodie.

Virgil laughed softly. “Yeah. I know. Do you want my arm around you or nah?”

Janus nodded, closing his eyes and nestling close once he felt the comforting pressure. A good warm. “I misssed you.”

Virgil was silent for a moment. His body tensed ever-so-slightly, but he didn’t let go. “I’m sorry. I was... scared. And I didn’t know.... I didn’t think it would get this bad. How long have you been like this?”

“Sstopped keeping track,” Janus muttered, pulling the blanket closer. “Better not to know.”

“Jan. You know this isn’t good, right? You’re so fucking skinny, I could count all your bones.”

“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed,” Janus drawled, then hummed thoughtfully. “Can I move to your lap? Floor’s cold.”

Virgil sighed. “Sure, whatever.” He gently helped Janus onto his lap, holding him to make sure he didn’t fall. “You know you can’t stay down here much longer.”

“Mmm. You have a better idea?” Janus curled up on his lap, head on Virgil’s chest, soaking up the warmth. “This issss my room now. The ‘dark side’ commonsss are a messs. Any other room could corrupt me, you know that.”

“At least you’d be in an actual bed!” Virgil scowled, then bit his lip. “Unless.... unless we make this place more habitable?”

Janus hugged the pillow and squinted up at Virgil. “Thiss iss a cell. It’s not ssupposed to be comfortable.”

“Who the fuck cares? You’re hurting, Jan. You need help.”

Janus looked away, watching the chains sway. “It could hurt you if you try. I won’t die. I’ll be fine.”

“Janus, look at me. You’re hurting yourself and it sucks. Let us help you.”

Janus’s tongue flicked out, then he sighed and looked back at Virgil. “If the cell fights back, you stop. Clear?”

Virgil smiled grimly. “Yeah. Clear,” he said. “Roman should be able to make some furniture or whatever.”

“Ssstay with me. Pleassse.” Janus closed his eyes tiredly, clinging loosely to Virgil.

“I’m here. Just get some rest, alright?”

Janus wanted to protest, but it was so soft and warm.... He found himself dozing off before he could say another word.

~*~

Janus burrowed into the pile of blankets and pillows. Soft and warm. Exactly what he needed.

But Virgil was gone.

He frowned slightly and sat up, wrapping a blanket around himself. “Virgil?” Janus asked softly. But there was no answer. “Virgil!”

_He’s gone. He left you again. He still hates you._

Janus shook his head, hugging a pillow tightly. _No. He just.... went to get some food. That has to be it._

Footsteps. Roman’s footsteps.

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!” Roman sang, twirling as he approached.

“Mmm. And what if I prefer to sstay coiled up in my nessst?” Janus countered.

Roman huffed. “I brought you more food! And some tea. You like tea better than coffee, right?”

Janus nodded slowly. “Did Virgil....?”

“Yes! He told me all about it! We’re going to make this place fit for nobility,” Roman said, beaming.

Janus shrunk into his nest of pillows. “Nothing too fancy. We don’t want to push our luck,” he replied.

“Ridiculous! You deserve the best, and I will give it to you!”

Janus groaned. “Roman, pleassse!”

Roman blinked. “Oh... you’re being serious?”

Janus glared at him. “Yessss I am.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “Jussst... baby steps. Ssee how the cell reactsss.”

“Well.... I guess,” Roman grumbled, then created a key and opened the cell door.

Again, Janus stared at the doorway. It was so easy for them to open it. Why couldn’t he just...? It wouldn’t hurt anyone... Maybe he could...

Roman strode inside, created a small table by the door, and set the food down.

Then he clapped his hands and grinned. “Let’s get started! You’ll need a bed and a chair and a desk and a closet and a fireplace and—“

“Ssstop!” Janus held up his hands, then sighed and shook his head. “Sslow down, Your Highnesss. Remember, keep it _ssssimple!_ ”

Roman pouted. “But mon python, you deserve the best!”

“Thiss iss not going to work if you fight me every ssstep of the way,” Janus hissed, glaring up at him. Dammit, he felt so small.

He clenched his jaw, then carefully gathered his feet under himself and used the wall as support to stand. It hurt. His legs wobbled. His head spun. This was a bad idea.

Roman rushed over and caught him. “Whoa now! Careful, my frail flower,” he chided, holding him close.

Janus whined, but clung to him. This was embarrassing. He was Deceit. He was Self-Preservation. It shouldn’t be this hard to stand! “I’m fine,” he spat.

Roman scooped him up, which certainly didn’t help. “Here now, I’ve got you!”

Janus squeezed his eyes shut, hiding his face in Roman’s sash. Too fast. Too high. He felt Roman tense as the prince realized his error.

“Oh. Do you want me to put you down?”

“Mmm. Make a bed and put me down on it. A sssimple twin bed. Nothing fancy.”

“How boring!” Roman complained, but with a flourish he did so. “Fine. How’s that?”

Janus took a deep breath and looked at the bed, running his hand across the blanket. It was not too hard, not too soft. Certainly better than the floor and pillow nest. Luckily not too fancy either— light yellow cloth, metal frame with vague snake designs. “Thank you. This is perfect, my prince,” he said, resting his head on the pillow.

Roman beamed at the praise. “Oh goodie! What next?”

Janus hesitated, looking around the cell that had been his home for.... he didn’t even want to know how long. “I don’t need much, my prince,” he said.

Roman tapped his foot. “I know! Lights!” He snapped his fingers, making a large iron candelabra appear with half-melted candles, as well as twining fairy lights around some of the chains.

Janus sighed. “Very pretty, Your Highnesss, but I don’t—“

“Books! You like to read, right? You need a bookshelf!” Roman made a bookshelf appear. “What sort of books? Classics, of course....”

Janus felt a smile tug at his lips. “Forbidden love? With a side of anarchy?”

“Of course, charm snakelet!” Roman beamed, filling the shelves with various books. “What about music?” A record player materialized on top of the bookshelf.

“My prince, you ssspoil me rotten.” Goodness, when was the last time he had actual entertainment? He reached for Roman’s hand. “Come here, pleassse.”

Roman immediately knelt by the bedside and took Janus’s gloved hand, kissing it lightly. “I’m here, treasure,” he said.

Janus looked around the cell. It was already so much better.... but yet, the grime from before remained. “My prince?” he asked quietly.

“Yes charm snakelet?” Roman replied with a dazzling smile.

Janus blushed faintly. “I.... if you don’t mind.... do you think you could.... help me bathe?” He asked sheepishly. “I know I’m disgusting at the moment but...”

Roman snapped his fingers, making a claw-foot bathtub appear, already filled with steaming water and floral-scented soaps.

Janus sank into the bed. “Oh thank goodnessssss.....”

Roman gently helped him to the bath. “You’ll be shining like the sun in no time!”

“Mmmm.... thank you,” Janus murmured, carefully slipping into the warm bath. Clean. He would finally be clean again.

Roman’s touched was light, as if Janus were made of glass that could break at any second. But the bath was soothing as any massage. Once done, Roman wrapped him in heated towels before helping him change into clean clothes.

“Thank you, my prince,” Janus murmured, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

~*~

Logan visited yet again. “May I take your vitals now?” he asked.

Janus sighed. “We are imaginary. I don’t know what you think you’ll find,” he muttered.

“Your metaphysical state reflects that of a human. Well, in your case, half-human and half-reptilian. We cannot die, but we can become ill. If I find an issue that can be remedied, you will recover sooner.” Logan adjusted his tie.

Janus stared at him for a moment, then reluctantly nodded. “Very well. Do what you must.”

Logan opened the cell door and stepped inside. Janus looked away to avoid staring at the taunting path. He remained still as Logan checked his pulse, his lungs, his reaction times, and anything else that he could.

“I... have a hypothesis,” Logan said slowly.

“Do sshare with the classss,” Janus drawled.

Logan frowned. “There is no class—“

“Figure of speech. Continue, please.”

Logan cleared his throat. “I believe that observing some memories of when Thomas has utilized your function may help expedite your recovery,” he said carefully.

Janus blinked. “Watching memories of him lying and putting himself first and such?” he clarified.

“Yes, exactly.” Logan reached into his briefcase and pulled out a small box. “I have one here.”

“Does Patton know?” Janus looked at the box warily.

Logan adjusted his tie. “No, not yet. I made sure to choose a memory related to his education so it would be less suspicious.”

Janus took a deep breath and held out his hands. “Alright. Let me sssee it,” he said.

“Please tell me if you feel anything... strange,” Logan said, then placed the box on Janus’s open palm.

Janus opened the box, trying to ignore how much his hands were shaking. A warm light filled the room and the memory played out before his eyes.

_Thomas, laying in bed, coughing— definitely a fake cough— begging his mother to let him stay home from school. Somehow she believed it. But as soon as the door closed, Thomas bolted to his feet and ran downstairs. He made himself breakfast of frozen waffles piled high with various sweets and put on the tv to watch The Office. A mental health day. Thomas was playing hooky to a day to himself. And apparently catch up on homework, but whatever._

Janus gasped once the memory faded and closed the box, feeling a burst of energy.

“Did it work?” Logan asked.

“I... think sssso,” Janus said slowly.

“How do you feel?”

“As if I downed an expresso with a chocolate pastry. A jolt of energy that will likely come crashing down in the not-so-distant future.” Janus tightened his grip on the box. “May I keep it?”

Logan wrote something down, then frowned. “Of course not. I must return the memory to Patton. Please hand it over.”

Janus hissed, recoiling with the box in his arms. “Sssay you losst it!”

“I will not engage in falsehoods if it can be easily avoided. Deceit, give me the memory, please.”

Janus glared at him. “Don’t want to.”

“You are being unreasonable.”

“Don’t care.”

“Deceit—“

Janus bared his fangs. “Get out!”

Logan took a step back. “I am only trying to help you without hurting Thomas or Patton. Surely you understand?”

Janus glared at him, holding the memory close to his chest. His tongue flicked out. “One day,” he said finally. “Let me keep it for one day. Then I will give it back.”

Logan hesitated. “You should not watch it too many times. Thomas might notice and begin obsessing over the memory.”

“Noted.”

Logan bowed his head and left, once again locking the door behind himself. Janus waited until the logical side was gone before rewatching the memory. His strength would return in time. He simply had to be patient.


End file.
